Presence is the Real Present
I’ve been hard on myself this year – I’ve been mean, and I’ve been judgmental. Anyone else in this boat? In this life, I have a real tendency to go, go go. In 2020 fashion, I’ve had to really cultivate slow, slow, slow.
It’s not an easy adjustment. You always hear people talking about how we’re not a human doing, we’re a human being. Well for MANY years I was a human doing( still might be – depending on the day). Often, I have felt as though my worth, my enough-ness, was dependent upon my ability to do, to achieve, to work. If I’m not doing something, if I’m not busy, I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough.
Heaven forbid that you take a break, that you rest, that you SLOW DOWN. What is slowing down?!
A few years ago, I had seven jobs. You heard that right, SEVEN. AT. THE. SAME. TIME. What was I thinking? They were all part- time, interesting, and fun ( helping to write a book on past-lives, selling goat cheese, working in mental health, working on a food truck, etc), but holy moly girl- slow it down.
When I started dating my partner Kevin, it was an interesting dichotomy of how we went about life. I was always on the move, and he was slow and present. I remember asking him about his days and he’d talk with a smile about watching the birds and groundhogs for an hour, meditating, and just relaxing all day. WHAT?! I couldn’t even fathom this in my life!
I am the queen of multitasking and also the queen of not being present for myself. I can care a hell of a lot for others, and be there for them. But being present for myself? Heck, no- I don’t have time! Ha! So, that’s what this year has brought, presence. Presence is a present! And it’s a lot of work!
“The Great Work is not so much about changing the world as it is about changing oneself in the process. One’s greatest gift to humanity is being free of oneself”
– don Oscar Miro-Quesada
If I’m always busy, then I can never slow down and feel my feelings or process and integrate my life experiences. If I’m always moving, I can’t connect in with my body, my higher self, and really be in alignment. If I’m over-scheduled, I’m not caring for my needs.
That’s what it comes down to, caring for yourself. 100%. I’ve gone through phases where I’ve been excellent at caring for myself and then I’ve gone through phases of not doing a single thing for myself the entire day. NOT OKAY.
The biggest gift this year has brought me is realizing my own needs and acknowledging and honoring them.
I really started honoring my needs when I decided to enroll in the Barbara Brennan School of Healing with Kevin. It’s like Harvard for energy workers they say! It’s intensive, but wow, it’s powerful.
Even if I wanted to attend in the past, I would never have gone. I would have made an excuse that I didn’t have time, that it was too expensive, that I wouldn’t be good enough, and I’d avoid going. So many excuses to avoid honoring myself.
Well, I am SO GLAD I enrolled. It is the epitome of self-care for an intuitive over-giver like myself. Year one is all about healing and working on the first three layers of your field – the physical, emotional, and mental bodies.
In order to really honor and support others, we need to make sure we know, honor, and connect with the Self.
I’m really connecting, I’m really slowing down.
The universe has tried to slow me down over the years and I haven’t listened. Maybe I wasn’t ready to listen. Last October I started to listen, I was in a car accident that was rather traumatic for me. It felt like a big message from spirit to SLOW DOWN. I had to care for myself, I had no choice. I hurt my back, and was faced with an honest look at how I was not setting up my life to honor and support myself.
While life is messy, and crazy- I’m in a place of gratitude for the lessons learned and the various versions of myself that I’ve played over the years. I now have the knowledge and momentum to truly take the next steps in honoring, loving, and listening to myself.
It’s a practice. REMEMBERING.
Remembering that we are whole, that we are perfectly imperfect.
That we are enough.
That we can slow down.
That we can be lazy.
That we can be messy.
That we can be.
We can just BE!
So I honor myself, and I honor you in BEING.
Just BEING.
BEING PRESENT, for it’s the greatest present. <3
